Tag Archives: anxiety

January Miles and Goal Check In

The first month of the year has come and gone! Well, almost. I suppose there are a few hours left in the last day of the month. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Anyway, did you have any goals for the new year? How are they holding up so far?? I hope you’re totally killing it and making them happen! As far as my goals for 2018 go, well, they really aren’t going at the moment. You can read all about what my goals for the year are here, since I probably wont get into the specifics or reasoning behind them in this post. ๐Ÿ™‚

Ever since running my third half marathon in November, I’ve been experiencing some weird anxiety (I say weird, but anxiety is basically just a normal part of my everyday life) issues when I run. Anxiety in general is absolutely no fun, but for me, running usually really helps keep it under control. But for a while there I was experiencing very panic attack-y feelings usually about a mile or two into any given run, that turned into the full blown thing by the time I would get home. Yeah, that was a really rough period of time in my life…Especially when the thing that usually helps, was causing the issue.

I’ve yet to figure outย whyย that was happening, but I have finally worked through most of it and am able to run without any issues and am definitely enjoying it again! But that’s kinda put a damper on my plans of increasing my weekly running mileage to about 50 miles per week, which is one of my running goals for 2018. I had a whole plan written out and everything, but that’s pretty much out the window at this point. In some ways I feel like I’m starting over from scratch, considering the very small amounts of running I’ve been able to accomplish since November. But at the very least I have been doing a little bit of running, and I’ve still got a couple years of decently consistent running in my legs. So I suppose even though I feel like I’m starting over, I’m really not. Right now this goal looks a bit daunting, but I know if I can pick myself up, brush myself off, and move onward and forward, I can get to where I want to be, as long as I put in the work.

Speaking of putting in the work, well, not much work was done this month. I’ve run a measly 36.87 miles in January thanks to the issues I talked about above. I guess working through that shit is a valid reason to have such a low mileage month, but honestly I’m a little disappointed with myself. I know I can do better and I should do better. But I guess I have the whole month of February (and the rest of the year) to prove that to myself! ๐Ÿ™‚

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So another one on my goals for this year is to hit my step goalย most of the time.ย I know that’s really vague, but I know what that means in my mind and that works for me!! Although I haven’t been doing so hot with hitting that goal either. I downloaded this app called “Habit Bull” that helps me keep track of my goals, so that’s been helping me actually see how often I’m accomplishing what it is that I want to do. As you can see in the photo below, I’m wasn’tย doing so great with hitting 10,000 steps initially, but I’ve finally gotten my shit together and am starting to it done! ๐Ÿ™‚

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And last but not least, I’m also keeping a training log this year! So far I’m doing really well at keeping up with that, and writing down one good thing every single day, which is another thing I want to do for the entire year. I’ve tried keeping other training logs before, but I always end up forgetting to write in them and then by the time I finally remember I can’t remember anything really useful about the workouts I’d forgotten to log. But writing my one good thing for the day keeps me coming back every day and that’s been helping so far. Now we’ll just have to wait and see if I can actually stick with it!

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Alrighty then! I feel like I’m still ending January on a pretty decent note and I’m definitely ready to kick some ass and get shit done in February!! Bring it on!!

(Side note; “Wednesday” and “February” are two words that I will literally never learn how to spell correctly. Like, I’ve heard all of the tips and tricks and whatnot that are supposed to help, but they’ve never stuck in my mind. Thank goodness for spell check hahaha!)

Happy Hump Day! Goodbye January! Bring it on February!!!

~Ashley

 

 

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Weekly Recap: January 8th-14th, 2018

This week was a tough one. I’d be lying if I said anything different. Mostly thanks to anxiety related things that I’ve still yet to figure out the cause of. Haha oh well. So I ended up focusing a lot on yoga this week. I think that ended up being really good for me. ๐Ÿ™‚

Monday:

  • Rest Day

So Luke actually ended up taking Monday off from work. We went grocery shopping, but other than that we did a whole lot of nothing. So yay for impromptu rest days, I guess. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Tuesday:

  • 2 miles
  • 25 minutes of yoga

This month’s StrideBox showed up in my mailbox while I was attempting (and slightly failing but still managing 2 miles) to run on Tuesday. Yay! ๐Ÿ™‚ I swear it’s like Christmas morning the day that thing comes. It’s pretty freaking sweet. And after my run I did a little bit of yoga, because like I said, I was trying to focus on that this week.

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Wednesday:ย 

  • 30 minutes of yoga
  • 10 minutes on the stationary bike

Tuesday’s run was kind of a fail. I mean,ย  I did still make it 2 miles and 2 miles is better than no miles, but still….So I decided thatย  I was going to skip running on Wednesday and just do yoga instead. That was a good decision! Haha but that night I did hop on my stationary bike for a few minutes because I was bored. ๐Ÿ˜‰

And unrelated, but it’s super muddy outside so all 3 of my dogs (but mostly Finn and Dean) are gross mud monsters and I’ve given up on ever having clean floors ever again. Fun fun fun.

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Thursday:

  • 10 minutes on the stationary bike to warm up
  • 3.89 miles of “running”
  • 30 minutes of yoga
  • 30 minutes on the stationary bike

Thursday morning brought lots of rain. Which eventually turned to ice, and then later in the day snow. I got my “run” done during the ice portion of the day. Run is in quotes because it was more slipping, sliding, walking over really bad patches of ice, and stopping for cars, that it was actual running (I talk a little more about all of that here. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). So normally I’m a little more neurotic about hitting my daily mileage, so not gonna lie, it kinda hurts me to type “3.89” instead of “4” miles. But the roads were getting increasingly worse the longer I was out, so the second I got to my driveway I called it quits instead of going a little further to actually hit 4 miles. Haha but I mean, it honestly is close enough and really isn’t that big of a deal. Plus running on ice is freaking hard! This has to count for at least 6 or 7 miles. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I kid, but it is hard. And pretty fun too!!

Oh and all of the mud in my backyard is frozen for now. So that’s kinda nice! Hahaha well, until it melts I guess.

 

 

Friday:

  • Rest day

I woke up tired, sore, and unmotivated to do pretty much anything. Initially I was super frustrated with myself because I’m supposed to be working towards all of these big goals I have and these small amounts of running that I’ve been doing just aren’t going to get me there. And then I remembered that I actually did kinda do a lot yesterday. I mean, running on ice is freaking hard! Plus I was sick last week and the week before that was Christmas, so once I took a minute to step back and remember all of that, I realized that I’m not doing too bad and that I can’t just jump right back into where I was months before this just because I want to. I’ve got to slowly get back to the mileage that I was at and then start building up from there (which is my main goal for the year), and attempting to do too much too soon is going to do nothing but cause problems. So I did not do the easy 20 minute run I had planned for Friday.

I’m trying very hard not to compare myself and my running to others and to where I’ve been before. This is where I am now and that’s 100% ok. Not running on Friday was a win for me. ๐Ÿ™‚

Saturday:

  • 3.2 miles
  • 20 minutes of yoga

That was hard….Running in general is hard. But that’s one of the things that makes it so special, right? ๐Ÿ™‚ Just trying to slowly work back into a more normal running routine. So far, I’m making a tiny bit of progress.

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Sunday:

  • Rest Day

We got some more snow today! Yay!!! I spent a lot of time playing outside with the dogs in it. Snow makes everything more exciting! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

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Total Weekly Mileage: 10.21

That’s better than last week and that’s all that matters. ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus my goal was to focus more on yoga and I definitely succeeded at that!

 

 

 

Friday Fives: Things I’m Super Into Right Now

1. Zensah FeatherWeight Compression Leg Sleeves

Ok so not gonna lie, I’ve only worn these things a few times now, but I already love them! Zensah sure wasn’t kidding, they really are feather light! They also provide a good amount of compression without feeling too tight or uncomfortable like other pairs of compression socks (this is my first pair of sleeves haha) have made me feel. Oh and the bra is pretty nice too. ๐Ÿ™‚

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2. Sleepy Time Tea

This stuff is a life saver! I am very bad at falling asleep, and I’ve experimented with a few things over the years, but this stuff works the best for me! The herbs in this tea calm me down, make me relax, and help me fall asleep a little bit faster. ๐Ÿ™‚


3. Steel Pantherย 

Oh my gosh I’m so in love with this band! Haha Luke have just been recently getting into them, but we saw them play before Stone Sour on Tuesday and it was amazing! Seriously, go check them out. They are fucking great.

4. Bob’s Burgersย 

Luke and I recently started using Hulu because Netfilx alone just wasn’t cutting it hahaha (we don’t have cable). So yeah, I’ve been watching a lot of Bob’s Burgers since we started using it and it’s been great. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is great and I’ve been very much enjoying watching an episode while drinking my coffee every morning. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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5. Oatmeal

Oatmeal used to be one of my all time favorite foods. Like, it was one of my go to foods and I could eat it for every meal of the day. But then I kinda fell off of the healthy eating bandwagon for a while, but now that I’m getting back into it I’m really loving oatmeal again. Right now my favorite it oatmeal topped with bananas and walnuts. Yum! So good!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Running Keeps Me Sane

And it’s only when my klutzy, accident/injury prone ass gets hurt and can’t run that I really, truly understand that.

That’s currently where I’m at. I’m hurt, can’t run, and driving myself insane with things that are probably just a result of my having anxiety, but you know, also just regular life stuff. Haha I probably need to see a doctor about both of those things, but I’m a very stubborn person who does not like, and has had several bad experiences with doctors. One day I’ll tell the story of how my high pain tolerance and a team of equally as stubborn as me doctors almost killed me when I was 13 and suffering from a ruptured appendix (although initially the doctors couldn’t figure that out). That’s a super long story though, and I don’t think I still have any photos from that time in my life. Eventually I want to talk to my mom, dad, sisters, brother, and grandma about it though, and type it all out. But for now, wanna see my scar? Too bad if you don’t, because I’m gonna show you anyway. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

 

 

So yeah, every doctor I’ve ever seen since I was 13 likes to touch it and say “you had an old fashioned appendectomy!” Yes, I did! Because it was ruptured and they couldn’t get all the nastiness out the newfangled way they do it now with like, lasers and shit. And I absolutely hate when people touch it, but doctors always freaking do it without asking… I’ve also got a bunch of scar tissue in my abdomen that can uncomfortable if I sit/lay in certain ways for too long, and apparently that could potentially cause issues if I were to ever get pregnant. I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon though. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyways, I’ve rambled on enough about that.

So ever since the Green Day concert last month (which I don’t regret going to at all before anyone asks ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) I haven’t been able to do much running. I think I must have hurt something in my left knee/calf (I’m honestly still unsure as to where the pain is originating from, all I know is that it hurts every time I try to run on it) with all of the standing/dancing that I did. Oh man, that was so much fun and I really wish we could go see them again…

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But anyway, the week of the 14th-20th of August I ran a total of one whole mile. But I thought, hey, maybe a week pretty much complete off from running would help. And it really seemed to! The next week I managed to pretty much get all of my training runs done with minimal to no pain. And my 9 mile long run for the week went totally great and my leg felt almost back to 100%! It was all down hill from there unfortunately. The week of August 28th-September 3rd I attempted to do 2 runs and neither of them went well. I ended up running about 1.5 miles for both of them but I just ended up with pain in my knee, shooting down into my calf both times. And then after those two failed attempts at running I ended up limping around for the rest of the day. That’s when I decided that running was making it worse and that I needed to stop. Sad face.

And that brings us to this week, in which I’ve done absolutely no running at all. I’ve actually just been sitting around feeling sorry for myself, which definitely hasn’t helped with the whole anxiety thing…But yesterday it finally clicked in my head that just because I can’t run, it doesn’t mean that I can’t do other things, so I did a Jillian Michaels’ DVD workout that I haven’t done in forever! It was pretty tough considering that I haven’t done it in a while, and it’s not like I strength train enough anyway haha, but it definitely wasn’t as tough as I thought it was gonna be! I had to modify a few things to keep my leg happy, but I made it through without dying! I actually felt pretty strong while I was doing it. I was glad to find that I’m actually not in as bad of shape as I thought I might be. ๐Ÿ™‚

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So yeah, I felt pretty great after that! I ย woke up feeling crazy sore this morning, and while that’s slightly annoying it also makes me feel like I actually accomplished something with this workout, ya know?

Haha you’d think with how obnoxiously injury prone I am, that I’d be consistently cross training and working on strengthening my muscles in order to keep my body as injury free as possible, so that I can keep running, not take a piss ton of time off, and then drive myself completely insane because I just can’t turn my brain off when it latches onto something to worry about. *Insert world’s most dramatic eye roll here* ย But you know, I just don’t do that stuff as often as I should. It’s just not as fun as running dammit! And who wants to do something that’s not fun?!?! Not me, that’s for damn sure. But at this point I am promising myself and anyone who reads this that I’m going to dedicate the time to straight trainย at least twice a week. I think that’s a good goal to work on for now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Surprisingly enough though, I’ve actually been pretty good about stretching/doing gentle yoga and yoga for flexibility. That’s definitely a step in the right direction as far as rehabbing injuries and preventing new ones from happening. I was also icing my knee and calf for a while, but at this point I don’t think that’s really doing much. I’ve also been wearing a lot of compression gear and that has actually felt like it’s been helping! Luke bough me this crazy compression knee brace thingy, but my knee has felt a lot better since I’ve been wearing it! Not good enough to run on yet, but at least it’s a step in the right direction! And as far as compression socks go, well I think I might need new ones. Both pairs that I have just don’t seem as compression-y as they once were. They are still providing some compression though, so I figure that’s better than nothing for now. Haha I’m actually going to get calf sleeves instead of the whole sock, because as you can see, I cut the toes off of my compression socks because they make my toes super uncomfortable.

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So yeah, that’s where I am right now. At this point I’ve pretty much given up on the 10k that I’m registered for. That’s exactly one month from today and since I’m still not running at all I just don’t think I’m going to be able to make it happen. And I was soooo looking forward to it! This was going to be my first 10k race and it’s supposed to be a super scenic, evening race with a free glass of hard cider at the end…Oh well, there’s always next year I suppose. Haha I’m just upset that I spent $35 on a race I’m not going to do.

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As for the Longview half, well, I haven’t completely given up on that. I have however, given up on any time goals I had for it. That’s not for a little over 2 months so I feel like there’s still some hope for that one. At this point I know I can cover the distance, even on minimal training, so as long as my leg heals I’ll still be able to do it. You know how some runners have a race that they do every. single. year? That they’ve done for 5, 10, 20 years in a row? Yeah, I want the Longview half to be that race for me and I really don’t want to have to end that streak this early into it. I mean, I’ve only done it two years in a row and this is gonna be the third. Well hopefully. But like I said, if I ย can get my leg healed I should be able to do it.

Whew, alrighty then. That is all I’ve got for today. It’s been super nice outside in the mornings. In the low/high 50’s so we’re starting to get our first tastes of fall here in Kansas, and that’s just making not running even more suck-y but I can still walk my dogs! So I’m gonna go do that and then do some yoga.

Happy almost fall! ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‚

~Ashley

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Let’s Talk A Little Bit About Anxiety, Half Marathon Training Day 7, and A Few Other Random Things.

The worst part about having both asthma and anxiety is that sometimes it can be hard to tell which one is currently giving me trouble. Whenever my anxiety starts getting the better of me I start to unconsciously hyperventilate (according to a cardiologist that I saw anyway), and asthma is caused by the bronchi of the lungs constricting and producing extra mucus, so sometimes it can be kinda hard to tell them apart. Then whenever I do have trouble telling them apart that makes my anxiety even worse and therefore makes breathing feel even more difficult…Fun times.

The only reason I bring this up is because that’s currently what’s going on in my world and I’m trying to be more open about that kind of thing. I don’t talk a lot about my anxiety issues because they aren’t fun and they make me feel…I don’t know, I guess I’m going to say weak for lack of a better term (I’m sure there are better terms, but right now weak is the only work that my brain is providing me haha). But anxiety kinda runs in my family; my grandma, mom, both of my sisters, myself, and maybe even a few of my cousins all have it in some way, shape, or form. And since there’s a whole movement going on in the world about being more open about mental illnesses I feel like maybe I should hop onto that bandwagon. At the very least, talking more openly about it will probably make me feel better. At least I hope so. ๐Ÿ™‚

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I like to send this to Luke when he tells me not to worry about stuff. ๐Ÿ˜‰


Anyways, I feel like that situation may have been the reason why this morning’s run felt super difficult. And oh man did it suck! I felt tired and heavy, basically it felt like I was running through cold molasses. And I feel like I really shouldn’t have felt that way. I went to bed around 8 pm last night because I wanted to get a little bit of extra sleep even though I had planned (and did! ๐Ÿ™‚ get up at 5 this morning so it made sense to go to be early. I woke up feeling pretty good in general and my legs felt rested and ready to run, so it did’t make much sense for me to feel so shitty during my run. But I did feel like breathing was a bit more difficult than it should have been and that might be the biggest contributing factor to this run’s shitty-ness haha.

So I did two miles, threw myself a pity party on my porch because I quickly realized this run was not going well, ran 3 more miles, then called it quits. The plan was to go 8 miles, so I was a tad bit disappointed that I only made it 5, but I fought very hard to make those 5 miles happen and I’m proud of myself for making it that far because I seriously wanted to quite the second I started running this morning. Plus I made a promise to myself to run 2-3 more mile in the evening so at the very least I would end up making it close to 7 or 8 miles for the day.

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After my run and shower I decided that my problem was anxiety and not asthma, so I just kinda hung out and relaxed for a while. I ate second breakfast, worked on some blog posts, pursued Pintrest, and made a wishlist on goneforarun.com because I have no life apparently haha. But I mean, I always get those visa gift card things for my birthday/Christmas and I always end up using them to buy stuff online, so now this year I’m going to be super prepared haha!! Seriously though, they have a lot of neat stuff and I want ALL OF THE HALLOWEEN AND CHRISTMAS THEMED STUFF! And I guess if you wanted to see what all I’m into on goneforarun.com you can check that out here. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Every single time I try to sit down with a laptop or a book I end up with a cat in my lap…

Around noon I decided that I had spent waaaay too much time on the internet so I cleaned up around the house, did a lot of reading (I’m currently re-re-re-re-reading Stephen King’s Dark Tower series. It’s my all time favorite!), took Lily for a little walk, played with all three dogs, read some more, fed the dogs/cats, then got ready to do my second run of the day! 

Like I mentioned earlier, I had promised myself 2-3 more miles this evening, but I was feeling pretty darn good so I set out with the intention to do 3. Mission accomplished!! 

So I started my day with a run at sunrise and ended my day with a run at sunset. How freaking cool is that! Plus I totaled 8 miles today which was my goal for my run this morning, but hey, at least I got them all in! 

So the first 2 miles of this run were fantastic! I felt sooo good! But going 2 miles tends to bring me back to my house like it did this evening, and I made the terrible decision to chug some Gatorade before finishing my last mile. Haha yeah, I ended up with some pretty awful stomach cramps and I had to do quite a bit of walking. Oh well, 3 miles is still 3 miles and I had fun getting them done. Even with the terrible stomach cramps. 


Anyway, I just got out of the shower and I need to do some yoga and slowly sip on some water. 

I hope your Saturday was fantastic! 

~Ashley

 

July 15th, 2017

So yesterday when Luke came home from work he surprised me with a new pair of Nike Pegasus 34’s for an anniversary gift! Haha that jerk does this to me all the time! He acts like these things are no big deal and that he doesn’t plan on doing anything for them (which is fine by me, I’m not big on celebrating this kinda things anyway.), but then he always does something like this haha. He said he also wanted to go out to dinner, but he got home later than he would have liked and that probably wouldn’t have worked out well. But now he’s promising to take me out on Monday. I told him I didn’t care either way, but whatever. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Seriously though, he’s the best!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

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Ok but for real though, I’m super excited to add a third pair of running shoes into my rotation. Although I have a feeling it’s going to drop back down to two before too long. I have a feeling on of the pairs of my Nike Free’s is nearing the end of their running life. But anyway, about 2 years ago I had a pair of Pegasus 30’s and I absolutelyย adoredย them! But once I retired them I never ended up with another pair of the Pegasus. Mostly because from what I understand, Nike likes to stop the production of certain models of shoes for a few years or something like that. I guess that helps bump up their sales once they resume production and sales of those models of shoes. But also because it seems to be hard to find shoes in my size. I wear a size 9 for regular everyday shoes, and a size 10 for my running shoes, but I swear every time I go to a sporting goods store they only have 7’s and 8’s. Which is weird. At least I think it is…I thought 9’s and 10’s were pretty common sizes for women, but whatever. Haha Luke said he had to go to several different stores yesterday to find my size, but he knew how badly I wanted another pair of Pegasus so he hunted them down for me. Like I said, he’s the best!

So I didn’t plan on doubling yesterday, but obviously I needed to take my new shoes out for a spin! So I did! ๐Ÿ™‚ They felt just as good on my feet as my last pair of Pegasus did. Obviously they are a little bit bigger and heavier than the Nike Free’s that I usually wear, but I think it’s good for me to add a different model of shoes into my rotation. That’s supposed to be good for working the muscles and ligaments in your ankles and feet a little bit differently and that’s definitely a good thing. ๐Ÿ™‚

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So aside from my new shoes being awesome, this run kinda sucked. It was crazy hot/humid (which is my absolute least favorite) and for whatever reason Strava decided not to record my run. Ugh, that was kinda frustrating…I miss my Garmin…But oh well, at least the sunset/clouds/sky was pretty.

 

 

Anyways, I stayed up a little later than usual last night (I went to bed around 12:30 am, instead of my usual 10:30-11 pm), with the intention of sleeping in just a little bit this morning. Finn didn’t exactly let that happen though. He woke me up at 5 am because he needed to go outside. Then he woke me up again around 5:45 because he needed back in. Then around 6:30 my neighbor let his dog out and he was barking, so Finn started barking, so I let him back out, but about half an hour later he needed back in. So at that point I gave up and just got up, even though I really wanted to sleep for another hour, but at that point it just wasn’t going to happen…

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So I got up, had my coffee, and then spent a lot of time procrastinating getting a run in. Not gonna lie, right now I’m kinda liking the idea of doing a run streak and so far I’ve run for 3 day’s straight. Haha I know that’s not much, but you gotta start somewhere, right? Well at this point I’m not really going to call it a streak just yet, but at this point that is the goal, so to keep that going I needed to run at least a mile today. But I really, really wasn’t feeling the whole running thing this morning. But that was definitely more of a mental thing than a physical one.

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Literally me this morning…

But luckily for my little, baby “streak”, I finally got off my ass and got a mile done. Haha obviously it’s not much, but now I’m just that much closer to actually being able to call this thing a streak. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, I think they whole mental block with running is because of anxiety. I keep thinking I’m having breathing/asthma problems, but I’m like 90% sure it’s just my anxiety acting up. Especially since it’s been pretty bad lately… I don’t think I’ve really talked much about my anxiety issues on here. Maybe eventually I’ll do into detail about it, but I had to go through a whole thing with a cardiologist a few years ago (because my GP had heard a murmur in my heart at one point), but long story short, turns out it was all just anxiety and my heart is fine. And I mean, I pretty much already knew I had some kind of anxiety disorder. They tend to run in my family actually, and my grandma, mom, both of my sisters, and a few of my cousins all have it in some way shape or form. But I guess it’s nice to actually have a doctor tell you that’s what it is, and that you’re not dying or crazy or whatever.

Honestly I probably need medicated, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon. I hate going to the doctor, I hate hospitals, doctors offices, dentists, and all that stuff (probably because of the anxiety haha). Seriously, every time I go to any kind of doctor’s office my blood pressure tends to be a bit high. Isn’t anxiety great?! (That’s super duper sarcasm by the way ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). I also probably need to back off on the caffeine, but that’s also not going to happen anytime soon. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Luckily staying active in general, but especially running and yoga seem to help. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, I suppose that’s all I have for today.

I hope you have a great rest of the weekend!

~Ashley